A Crunchy Caper
by Snugglebunny83
Summary: Someone is stealing produce in Gotham and Detective Gordon is on the case. Rated T for some swearing. I do not own any of the characters except for my own.


In Gotham, if you were out late at night, chances are you were up to no good. The figure currently prowling around Martinelli's Warehouse was no exception. After checking to see if the coast was clear, the prowler snuck in, grabbed a few crates, and ran off into the night. The next morning, Frank Martinelli would go in and start griping to Gotham's finest about the thief that kept running off with his produce, especially his bell peppers. Before that happened though, the pepper poacher had made their way to the little park under the two sisters bridge and was now handing out the purloined produce to the homeless people camped there. After the crates were empty, they were broken up for kindling to feed the fire barrels. Long before dawn began to light up the city skyline, the thief was gone.

"Gordon! My office!" The captain hollered out to the bullpen.

She didn't sound happy. For the third time that week, Frank Martinelli had been in to complain about his missing produce. He seemed to forget that the Gotham PD had other crimes to solve, crimes that were more important than just a couple missing crates of produce. But if you tried to remind him of that, all you did was make him mad and he'd start gesturing wildly and remind you that his taxes paid your salary and that "Back in his father's day, the police knew how to do their damn job and stop dangerous criminals!"

Captain Essen snorted at this. "I hardly think this person is dangerous. Most likely it's just a homeless person trying to get something to eat."

"I don't care if it's the damn Queen of Sheba! Those vegetables and fruits were mine! I paid for the damn things to get shipped to my warehouse and I've got to sell 'em or I go bankrupt! Now you tell those lazy flatfoots to get out there and catch this dirty crook before I lose any more crates, and I want reimbursement for the stolen ones!"

After a good deal more blustering and a promise that yes, they would look into the case, he left and Captain Essen called in Detective Gordon.

"But what about the Wayne murders? Shouldn't I be concentrating on that when we don't have any active cases?" Jim Gordon protested when he was given this new assignment.

"Yes of course, but just humor the old man. Look up that informant of yours, what's her name…Cat. See if she's seen or heard anything. "

Jim nodded and walked back to his desk. Later on that evening he swung by Barbara's apartment to talk to Cat. Thankfully, Barbara was out and it was just Jim, Cat, and Ivy. He was pleased to see that both of them looked a lot better now that they were off the street. It cost him two cartons of Ben and Jerry's but he finally got both girls to agree to keep an eye and an ear out for Martinelli's thief. Satisfied, he left.

It didn't take long before the other cops found out about this special assignment and began to tease him about it. "Hey Gordon! You gonna go out and interrogate Peter Rabbit?!" One of the cops shouted, producing a laugh from the station. Coming back from lunch, he found a cage on his desk. Inside the cage was a guinea pig. The guinea pig was wearing a little black and white paper hat like the kind old time cons used to wear. A note by the cage said that the culprit in the veggie case was caught. He had to really work hard to suppress a snicker. It was a clever joke after all. He decided to take the guinea pig over to Wayne Manor. He figured it would do the boy good to have a pet to take care of and get his mind off his parents' murder for a while.

A few nights later, Jim, Leslie, and Harvey decided to pay a visit to Oswald's club. Both of them were pretty impressed with the place. Jim only had eyes for Leslie so he didn't notice the attractive brunette in the fur coat who was sitting at the bar sipping on a bloody mary. Harvey noticed and gave her a wink which she returned. He was just about to go over and try to chat her up when Oswald limped over to her with a dinner tray.

"Here you are Guinevere. The usual, just how you like it."

"Thank you, Oswald darling." She purred.

Oswald took the covered plate from the tray and placed it in front of her. With a flourish, he removed the cover. On the plate was two stuffed peppers in a pool of rich tomato sauce. Guinevere looked at the dish approvingly and took a bite.

"Mmm, perfect as always. Thank you."

Oswald smiled and made a little bow before he waddled off. Now that Oswald was busy with his other customers, Harvey figured he'd try again to go over and talk to her but Guinevere wasn't paying any attention to anything but the food. When the plate and glass were empty, she put a stack of folded bills on the bar and left.

A few days later, Harvey was surprised when he arrived at the station and found a fruit basket on his desk with a card. He opened the card and read it.

"Hoping to see you again soon, Detective Bullock." It was signed Guinevere Evangeline Pigg.

"Guinevere Pigg?!" Jim asked with a chuckle.

"Yeah, I suppose it is pretty funny. With her middle initial, she's a Guin E. Pigg!"

"Like guinea pig! Wait…like a guinea pig…hey, you don't think?"

"Why do I always manage to fall for the troubled dames?"

Just outside the station, Guinevere peeked through the window before walking away. They were on to her now so she'd have to be more cautious. No problem there. She was the sneakiest pepper thief that Gotham ever knew.

Jim never did catch Guinevere and eventually Frank quit complaining about it. Of course it helped when he received an anonymous envelope containing a check for the value of the stolen produce.


End file.
